Monogamous Marriage

1. In the Beginning Was the Word

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."

JOHN 1:1 — KJV

Before we discuss marriage, we must understand where creation begins.

It begins with God.

John tells us that the Word was present in the beginning and that all things were made through Him.

Genesis tells us that God created the heavens and the earth, bringing order and life into creation.

Plants. Animals. Human beings.

Each has a place within the creation account.

Human beings are described as being created in God's image and entrusted with responsibility over the earth.

Marriage also appears within this beginning.

It is not first introduced as a modern social arrangement, a financial contract, or an opportunity to exercise power over another person.

Genesis presents marriage as a relationship of companionship and union.

So before we ask what marriage can give us, perhaps we should ask what marriage was intended to be.

2. His Kingdom, Not Ours

To understand God is to seek to understand what He wants for His Kingdom.

Not your kingdom.

Not my kingdom.

Not the world's kingdom.

His Kingdom.

When the disciples asked Jesus how they should pray, He taught them to begin by honouring the Father and seeking His will.

"Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven."

MATTHEW 6:9–10 — KJV

Think about the order of that prayer.

Jesus does not begin by teaching us to demand that God fulfils every personal ambition.

He teaches us to honour God and seek His Kingdom.

He then teaches us to ask for daily provision, forgiveness, and deliverance from evil.

Daily bread includes our dependence on God for what we need. It is not limited to wisdom alone. Likewise, the evil from which we ask to be delivered is not simply money; Scripture warns about the love of money and many other forms of temptation.

Now consider how this applies to marriage.

When two people enter a marriage, whose will should guide their decisions?

Only the husband's?

Only the wife's?

Or should both seek to live according to the principles they believe God has given them?

Marriage becomes difficult when one person treats the relationship as their own private kingdom and expects the other to surrender every opinion, responsibility, and desire.

But the Kingdom Jesus teaches is not built upon selfishness.

3. God Created Man and Woman

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

GENESIS 1:27 — KJV

Genesis teaches that God created humanity in His image.

Male and female.

Both are included in the account of humanity being made in God's image.

God placed the man in the garden to work it and keep it.

Then comes an important statement.

"It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him."

GENESIS 2:18 — KJV

Notice the difference.

Throughout the creation account, God repeatedly describes what He has made as good.

But here, He says it is not good for the man to be alone.

God creates the woman as a suitable partner.

Genesis describes her creation from the man's side. It does not describe Adam building furniture or Eve being assigned to sewing and cooking. Those may be useful skills within a household, but they are not the instructions given in this passage.

The message is about companionship and a relationship appropriate to the man.

The woman is not introduced as an animal to be ruled or a possession to be acquired.

She is another human being, sharing the dignity of being created in God's image.

And together they receive God's blessing.

"Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it."

GENESIS 1:28 — KJV

Fruitfulness includes the blessing of human life and the responsibility given to humanity. But a person's dignity, or a marriage's worth, must not be reduced to the ability to have children.

4. The Two Become One Flesh

Now we come to the foundation of this teaching.

Why one husband and one wife?

"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

GENESIS 2:24 — KJV

One man.

His wife.

One flesh.

This is the pattern described at the beginning of the biblical marriage account.

But what does becoming one flesh mean?

It describes a new union in which two people join their lives together.

Marriage is more than sharing a house.

It is more than sharing expenses.

It is more than having children.

It involves commitment, loyalty, responsibility, and intimacy.

Two individuals remain two people, but they establish a shared life.

Think about building a home.

If one person is laying the foundation while the other is continually removing the bricks, what will happen to the building?

It will struggle to stand.

The same applies to marriage.

When husband and wife are continually working against each other, the relationship becomes unstable.

But when they work together, respect one another, and remain committed to their responsibilities, they strengthen what they are building.

5. Dominion Is Responsibility

God gave humanity dominion over creation.

But what is dominion?

Is it simply the power to control?

Or is it the responsibility to care for what has been entrusted to us?

"And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth."

GENESIS 1:26 — KJV

Genesis describes humanity's dominion over the living world.

It does not instruct a husband to treat his wife as property.

Nor does it give either spouse permission to dominate, intimidate, or abuse the other.

Elsewhere, Scripture discusses human authority and leadership, but these responsibilities must be distinguished from the creation mandate in Genesis.

Consider a farmer.

He may have responsibility over his land.

But if he destroys the soil, neglects the crops, and wastes the water, has he demonstrated good stewardship?

No.

Responsibility without care becomes destruction.

Now consider marriage.

A husband may claim to be the leader of his household.

But if he neglects his family, refuses accountability, and mistreats his wife, what kind of leadership is that?

A wife may expect loyalty and responsibility from her husband.

But she too must consider how her own actions contribute to the relationship.

Marriage requires both people to accept responsibility.

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God."

EPHESIANS 5:21 — KJV

6. Marriage in the Old Testament

When we examine the Old Testament, we find examples of marriages involving one husband and one wife.

But we also find accounts of men who had multiple wives.

We must acknowledge both.

Abraham had Sarah and later married Keturah. His relationship with Hagar also forms part of the Genesis account.

Jacob had Leah and Rachel, as well as children through Bilhah and Zilpah.

David had multiple wives.

Solomon had many wives and concubines, and Scripture describes how his relationships contributed to his turning away from God.

The fact that the Bible records these arrangements does not automatically mean it presents every arrangement as an example to follow.

Adam and Eve

Genesis presents the first marriage as a union between Adam and Eve.

The text describes a man joining his wife and the two becoming one flesh.

Noah and His Wife

"And Noah went in, and his sons, and his wife, and his sons' wives with him, into the ark."

GENESIS 7:7 — KJV

Noah is presented with one wife in the flood narrative.

The account shows the household entering the ark together.

Isaac and Rebekah

"And she became his wife; and he loved her."

GENESIS 24:67 — KJV

Isaac's relationship with Rebekah is another biblical example of a marriage presented as a union between one husband and one wife.

Job and His Wife

Job's wife appears in the account of his suffering.

Job is described as a man who feared God and turned away from evil.

"There is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil."

JOB 1:8 — KJV

Job's faithfulness is central to the book. However, the text does not establish monogamy as the specific reason God praises him, nor does it provide a complete history of his marital life.

We should not claim more than Scripture tells us.

These examples help us study marriage, but the clearest starting point for the Christian argument for monogamy remains Genesis 2 and Jesus' teaching about it.

7. Jesus Restores the Focus

Now let us move from the Old Testament to the teaching of Jesus.

When Jesus is questioned about divorce, where does He direct attention?

Back to the beginning.

"For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh."

MATTHEW 19:5 — KJV

Jesus continues:

"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

MATTHEW 19:6 — KJV

Think about this.

Jesus could have answered the question only by discussing the legal permissions available in His time.

Instead, He returns to the creation account.

He speaks about the two becoming one flesh.

He speaks about the seriousness of the union.

And He warns against separating what God has joined together.

This passage directly addresses divorce rather than offering a complete discussion of every historical marriage arrangement.

Nevertheless, it is a foundational text for the Christian understanding of lifelong, exclusive marriage.

Why is that important?

Because marriage should not be treated as a temporary arrangement that exists only while both people are comfortable.

Commitment means accepting responsibility through changing seasons.

There will be seasons of joy.

There may be seasons of financial pressure, sickness, disagreement, and uncertainty.

Faithfulness is tested by how we respond when the relationship requires work.

But the call to commitment must never be used to demand that someone remain in danger or endure abuse. Safety and protection remain essential responsibilities.

8. Faithfulness in Marriage

Monogamy is about having one spouse.

But faithfulness goes deeper than a number.

A person can have one husband or one wife and still be dishonest, unfaithful, or neglectful.

So we must ask another question.

What does faithfulness look like?

It involves honesty.

It involves loyalty.

It involves respect.

It involves keeping the promises we make.

Paul instructs church overseers to be above reproach and faithful in their marriages.

"A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour."

1 TIMOTHY 3:2 — KJV

This verse concerns qualifications for church leadership. Christians differ in how they interpret every aspect of the phrase "husband of one wife," but marital faithfulness is clearly part of Paul's concern.

Elsewhere, Paul addresses husbands and wives directly.

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it."

EPHESIANS 5:25 — KJV

What kind of love is Paul describing?

A love that gives.

A love that accepts responsibility.

A love that is not built on selfishness.

And Paul also speaks about mutual obligations within marriage.

"Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband."

1 CORINTHIANS 7:3 — KJV

The broader passage emphasises mutuality within the marital relationship. It should not be used to excuse coercion or disregard for a spouse's consent.

Think about the example you are setting.

Do you treat your spouse with the respect you expect in return?

Do your actions strengthen trust or weaken it?

Are you protecting your marriage or continually creating reasons for distrust?

9. What Children Receive From Marriage

Now consider the next generation.

What do children learn from the relationships around them?

They observe how adults speak.

They observe how disagreements are handled.

They notice whether promises are kept.

They learn from what we do, not only from what we tell them.

A faithful and loving marriage can provide children with a valuable example of commitment, stability, and cooperation.

But the value lies in the quality of care, not simply in the marital status of the adults around them.

The Responsibility of a Father

A father should not understand his role only as earning an income.

Children also need time, guidance, affection, patience, and a consistent example.

"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

EPHESIANS 6:4 — KJV

A father should consider whether his presence brings security or fear.

Does he listen?

Does he teach?

Does he demonstrate the self-discipline he expects from his children?

The Responsibility of a Mother

A mother also carries significant responsibility in nurturing, teaching, protecting, and guiding her children.

But compassion, discipline, teaching, and emotional support are not responsibilities exclusive to mothers.

Both parents should develop these qualities.

Scripture recognises the influence of mothers and grandmothers, including Timothy's mother Eunice and grandmother Lois.

"The unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice."

2 TIMOTHY 1:5 — KJV

The Example of Joseph and Mary

Joseph and Mary are presented as husband and wife in the Gospel accounts.

Joseph protected his family by responding to the warning to flee to Egypt.

Mary cared for Jesus and reflected deeply on the events surrounding His life.

Jesus was known in His community as a carpenter, or craftsman. However, Scripture does not explicitly describe Joseph giving Him carpentry lessons.

What matters for this teaching is the responsibility parents have to care for and guide their children.

We must also recognise that children grow up in different circumstances.

Some are raised by one parent.

Some are raised by grandparents, adoptive parents, or guardians.

Some have experienced the loss of a parent.

Some live within blended families.

These circumstances do not make a child less valuable, less capable of understanding God, or responsible for the decisions adults have made.

Every child deserves love, protection, stability, and guidance.

10. Building a Family for God's Kingdom

Let us return to the beginning.

Why should a husband have one wife and a wife have one husband?

Within the traditional Christian understanding of marriage, the answer begins with the creation account and Jesus' teaching about the two becoming one flesh.

But understanding this principle is only the beginning.

What kind of marriage are we building?

Is it built upon honesty?

Is it built upon trust?

Is it built upon mutual respect?

Do husband and wife recognise that both carry responsibility?

And are they preparing the next generation to understand love, discipline, and faithfulness?

Think about a house.

You can have the finest furniture, the most expensive decorations, and the most beautiful garden.

But if the foundation is weak, the appearance of the house will not protect it from collapse.

The same applies to marriage.

Financial success cannot replace trust.

Public recognition cannot replace love.

Religious appearances cannot replace responsibility.

And simply calling yourself a husband or wife does not mean you are fulfilling the responsibilities of that relationship.

"And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness."

COLOSSIANS 3:14 — KJV

Paul calls believers to put on love.

That principle belongs within marriage as much as it belongs within the wider Christian community.

Marriage is not the construction of your own kingdom, where your spouse exists to serve your ambitions.

It is an opportunity to practise the faithfulness, humility, love, and responsibility you claim to believe in.